Blaming is the #1 enemy in destroying leadership

John D. Rockefeller founded the Standard Oil Company in 1870. This essay is a letter he wrote to his son John when he was 71 years old. Source: The 38 Letters from J.D. Rockefeller to his son.

July 24, 1910

Dear John:

If I say Mr. Andrew Carnegie, who has always been unwilling to be outdone and always thought he is the richest man in the world, came to visit me and consulted me on a very serious question, Would you be surprised? In fact, that great blacksmith did just that.

Two days ago, Mr. Carnegie came to our Kikwit. Perhaps it was my smile, the relaxed atmosphere while we were conversing, that melted Mr. Carnegie’s steely self-esteem, as he put his ego aside and asked:

“John, I know, you lead a group of very capable people. But I do not think their talents are extraordinary, but what puzzles me is that they seem to be invincible and can always easily defeat your competitors. I want to know what magic you have done to make them have that kind of spirit. Is it the power of money?”

I told him that the power of money is certainly not to be underestimated, but the power of responsibility is even greater. Sometimes actions do not come from ideas, but from taking responsibility. Everyone at Standard Oil Company has a sense of responsibility, and they all know “What is my responsibility? What can I do to make things better?” But I never talk about responsibilities or obligations. I just create a sense of responsibility in the company through my leadership.

I thought this topic should be over at this point, but my answer obviously stimulated Mr. Carnegie’s curiosity. He asked me seriously: “John, can you tell me how you did it?”

Seeing Mr. Carnegie’s humble expression, I could not refuse, I had to tell the truth. I told him that if we want to survive forever, our leadership style means we have to refuse blaming anyone or anything for any reason. The habit of blaming is like a swamp. Once you stumble and fall into it, you will lose your footing and direction, you will become unable to move and then fall into the predicament of hatred and frustration. There is only one result: losing the respect and support of your subordinates. Once you fall into this field, you are like a king who has handed over the crown to others, unable to dominate anything anymore.

I know that blaming is the number one enemy that destroys leadership. I also know that in this world, there is no eternal victorious general. No matter who it is, they will encounter setbacks and failures. Therefore, when a problem arises, I will not feel resentful or dissatisfied. I will just think how can the situation get better? What actions can be taken to solve or repair the situation? Or how can we actively choose to move towards higher productivity and satisfaction.

Of course, I will not let myself go. When something bad happens to us, I will stop and ask myself a question: “What are my responsibilities?” Going back to the original point, by fully and honestly assessing my role, I can avoid spying on what others have done, or asking other people to change something and doing other meaningless actions. In fact, only by focusing on myself can I reclaim the crown that I inadvertently gave up.

However, analysing “what are my responsibilities” does not mean self-blame. Self-blame is one of the most insidious and cunning traps. Self-blaming such as “That was a stupid mistake!” will only make me fall into the same trap of resentment and dissatisfaction as any other accusations will. In fact, “what are my responsibilities“ is a step with strong analytical power and self-affirmation. When I know that the real problem is not what they should do, but what I should do, I will not complain about myself, which will only make yourself stronger. The stronger you are, the smaller the influence of others will be. It seems that this is not a bad thing.

If I can treat every obstacle as an opportunity to understand myself, rather than care about what others have done to me, then I can find a way out of the face of adversities.

Of course, I never see myself as a saviour, nor do I have a mentality of a saviour. I will ask myself: In what ways should I be responsible for myself? I also ask myself: In what aspects are my subordinates responsible for? The job of a leader is not omniscient, or to assume full responsibility. If I regard myself as a brave messenger of justice, ready to save the world, I will only plunge myself into a crisis of leadership. A large part of my responsibilities is to make others accountable for their own responsibilities. If an employee does not care about things that concern his own interests, I do not believe that such an employee will have a strong desire to do a good job, then he should leave and serve others.

The kind of pressure that responsibility gives can make people unconsciously excited. Nothing can stimulate and strengthen the ability to do things like a sense of personal responsibility, and by entrusting the heavy responsibilities to my subordinates and letting them understand that I fully trust them is undoubtedly the greatest help to them. Therefore, I will not take the responsibilities that my subordinates must and can bear.

I not only rely on demonstration to create a responsible atmosphere and atmosphere for the company, my subordinates all know my basic principle: There is no blame or excuses at Standard Oil! This is the philosophy I insist on, everyone knows that. I will not punish them for making mistakes, but I will never tolerate irresponsible behavior. Our belief is to be thoroughly implemented in the company’s culture. Our motto is that support, encouragement, and respect will be wholeheartedly accepted and double praised. Only making excuses without providing solutions is intolerable in Standard Oil.

We seldom make any mistakes because my door is always open to my subordinates. They can offer opinions or simply complain, but in a responsible way. This result will make us trust each other, because we understand that everything needs to be discussed under the sun.

Mr. Carnegie is an excellent old student. He did not let me waste time. When I ended this topic, he said: “Amidst complaints, even the excellent employees can become mobs!” He is so smart.

John, almost all people have the defensive psychology of shirking real responsibility, so that the phenomenon of appointing committee responsibility can be seen everywhere. But it is harmful. The way to avoid defence is to start listening.

The biggest challenge for leaders is how to create an environment in which people feel that being open is more comfortable than hiding the truth. Proactively invite others to state their thoughts and encourage them to speak out with words such as “Say a little more” or “I really want to hear your opinion.” Contrary to what most people believe, in a dialogue, the listener is the one who has the power, not the declarant.

Is this unbelievable? Think about it, the tone, focus, and content of the speaker actually depends on the way you listen. Imagine the difference between a person who is hostile and aggressive, and a person who is engrossed in you. When you simply listen to other people, you lower your defences. You will get these benefits: You will have a more thorough understanding of the underlying issues as compared to behind that of offensive or angry language. You can get more information, and this information can change your assumptions about the ins and outs of the entire event. You will have more time to organize your thoughts.

The presenter will feel that you value their point of view. The most exciting thing is that when you listen attentively, the original presenter will be more willing to listen to your opinions.

Listening truthfully is not defensive. Even if you do not like this information, you should listen to it instead of responding immediately. Listening attentively is less like a technique, it is more like an attitude. A skier spends 100% of his attention when encountering obstacles, and he will never be distracted to think about what he wants to say to his partner later. In the same way, as an active listener, you give 100% of your attention to another person, and you will not want to blurt out what you think. In this way, you get rid of preconceived notions and open your mind to create a more meaningful and effective dialogue.

For a long time, we have shaped our lives and lives have also shaped ourselves. This process will continue, and we will ultimately be responsible for our choices. Just as “purpose” determines your direction, refusal to blame will build a road to achieve your goals.

Love,

Your Father

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